Lindsey got a wisdom tooth pulled yesterday so she’s on a steady diet of soup, yogurt, smoothies and Frosties/shakes.  I’m still trying to shake off a cold I’ve had for about a week which has meant a lot of green tea, Tylenol & Theraflu.  Two peas in a pod.

So these ladies have been keeping us company today.  And I ain’t too proud to say that I’m actually into this.

vanmega:

Oh hey, someone is making a talking bobblehead doll of Johnny from The Room (!).

It’s going to be available in December.

I’m going to go a head and put this at the top of my Christmas wish list.

While they didn’t quite capture Tommy’s caveman-esque facial features, I do appreciate that he’s standing on a “roof”.

tesslynch:

Taken in the Houston airport. Or isn’t that sort of obvious (no, really, it’s Houston).

We literally just missed each other!  I was connecting in Houston to get down to McAllen and not only did I notice cowboys getting their boots shined, but there’s also a statue of George H.W. Bush (I know it’s the George Bush Airport and all, but still) and something called the Fox News Store.

(via maura)

Reblogging because… I think I actually know people who will be genuinely fascinated by this.

jimrock:

creeperstatus:

Spec ad for Capri Sun™.

Duncs, we need a name for our marketing company son.

Capri Suns are the best.  Remember The Club? Those premixed drinks in a can that are maybe still being made/sold even though I can’t seem to find any info on them? My jam back in the day (2001) when I first started drinking (I was a late bloomer) was dubbed the “Club Capri” and it consisted of chugging a Club whiskey sour and then chasing that awful harshness with a Capri Sun. Seriously though, have you ever had a Club? It tasted so metallic and bitter and stale that you really did need something to wash your mouth out with.  The Capri is one of my all-time favorite chasers, second probably to Slim Jims.  Yeah, I know, I was such an amateur.  Did the trick though.

Eventually we got wise and simply bought a bottle of Maker’s, sour mix and cups and achieved a much better result.  But I’ll never forget you, Club Capri.

Listen, I don’t come to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth…

[via]

Maybe. Assuming that to Garfunkel someone is to put up with them even though they’re a fat lazy cat who hogs the spotlight and eats all the lasagna.

[exchange from this week’s Community that I can’t stop lulzing over]

Seeing this thing reminded me of this other thing.

bonerparty:

what’s fucking great about cultural gentrification is, like, fifty years ago i’d have to go to Appalachia to bang chicks like Joanna Newsom. and even then i’d have to arm wrestle a bearded guy for her under a full moon while the whole village clapped.

now all i have to do is hop on a train to Brooklyn and PRESTO. i’m *THIS* close to moving out there and just putting a bottle of Charles Shaw and a Smiths record on the end of a fishing pole and dangling it out my window.

Millie: okay, i have seen too many real-life zooey deschanels
April: oh no
April: GOD
April: BARFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
Millie: dude.
April: I HATE INDIENESS SO MUCH RIGHT NOW
April: i swear i want to start wearing BIG JOHNSON T-SHIRTS OR SOME SHIT
Millie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Millie: let’s start wearing CRACKER BARREL UNIFORMS
April: i fucking do!
April: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
April: then people will think we’re racists.
April: OR WORSE
April: think we are being IRONIC
April: GOD MAN
April: HARDCORE INDIE PEOPLE CAN SUCK IT!
Millie: well then it has to be RYAN’S STEAKHOUSE
April: i have a LIFE DILEMMA here
April: because i love clothes
April: I LOVE CLOTHES. i love dressing up or whatever
April: BUT
April: i feel like i have to somehow make it clear that i am not into ZOOEY DESCHANEL-ESQUE PRECIOUSNESS
April: you know?
Millie: well yeah, you are in a PICKLE
April: like, “just because i look this way, i’m still gonna fucking listen to LL COOL J and eat steaks” or whatever
Millie: i mean, i think it’s clear from the first TWO SECONDS of meeting you though that you aren’t
Millie: haha
April: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Millie: hahahaha
April: GOOD. THANK YOU.
Millie: “ll cool j/steaks”
April: i’m just trying to think of things ZOOEY-TYPE GIRLS have never done
Millie: i seriously think we need to change the game
Millie: big johnson t-shirts is great
April: i feel like she has never listened to a single ll cool j song or had one bite of a RIBEYE
Millie: i mean, i really do feel like we need to bring back dr. seuss hats
Millie: just to fucking say FUCK YOU
April: but i’m looking at these dresses these girls wear and i like them! they are great! but i don’t need to wear them with black tights and elf shoes and pose in a rose garden or whatever!
April: GOD!
April: CHANGE IT UP A LITTLE AT LEAST
Millie: ALL COY
April: SO. FUCKING. PRECIOUS.
April: i hate how nothing is sincere now!
April: like you can’t even LEGIT like some shit without everyone constantly thinking you’re BEING IRONIC
April: like somebody was recently laughing about my love of elvis, like, “haha, that’s funny,” like it’s IRONIC, and i was baffled!
April: i mean, it’s ELVIS. like, that’s like ironically liking a DESK or a LAMP or DAN RATHER or something. he just IS. he’s just a PART OF AMERICAN LIFE
April: i hate INDIENESS. i swear i want to date a fucking monster truck driver or something
Millie: [link to a picture of an impossibly cute and precious indie girl]
April: whatever to that girl.
April: i could pick food out of my teeth with her legs.
Millie: she’s fucking zooey d.
Millie: period.
Millie: like they have the same vacant wood nymph stare and everything
April: oh totally
April: here’s my thing: what dude wants to FUCK that though?!
April: i just genuinely do not understand!
April: it’s like wanting to fuck a PORCELAIN DOLL!
Millie: RIGHT?!
Millie: that’s what i was thinking too!!
Millie: i was like “weird, they probably have the weirdest sex life ever”
April: like i know MANY DUDES who have said aloud, “zooey deschanel is my dream girl.”
April: ????!!?!?!!!!!!!
April: when i think of DREAM GIRL, i think TOTAL PACKAGE
Millie: but she’s so PRESERVED
Millie: like museum quality
April: which means smart, funny, all that shit, but also BRINGING IT IN BED
April: which i GUARANTEEEEEE zooey d. don’t do
Millie: well she’s cute and perfect but she’s not sexy?
Millie: like she doesn’t have the look in the eye so devilish
April: RIGHT? EXACTLY!
Millie: like to me, sexy is kind of rough around the edges
Millie: ?
April: EXACTLYYYYYYY
April: at least a LITTLE BIT
Millie: right
Millie: like it’s kind of dark
Millie: and weird
Millie: and not like BRIGHT EYED AND BUSHY TAILED
April: let’s get serious here: zooey d. gives a shitty blow job.
April: YOU KNOW that is true. you know it!
Millie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Millie: well, only because it’s like, too messy for her
April: yes! too messy and she’s worried she won’t look cute doing it
Millie: exactly
Millie: like she’d want to hold hands, bare mins
April: yes! like she gets tense when the dude goes for the fingerblast
Millie: HAHAHA GET TENSE!
April: AM I NOT CORRECT?
Millie: no you are so right
Millie: she wants to have cute sex!
Millie: CUTE SEX!
April: which is IM.POSS.I.BLE
Millie: exactly
Millie: sex is like the equivalent of a hair lip, lazy eye, and brown tooth rolled into one
April: if you’re having cute sex, you’re not doing it right
Millie: it’s not like perfect skin and wide eyes
April: EXACTLY!
Millie: pigeon toed all looking reflective
April: i think zooey-types are, like, never nudes anyway
April: like always wear super huge vintage granny panties or whatever
Millie: hahahaha
Millie: i mean, sex is not cute
Millie: sex is gross
April: seriously. and if you’re concerned about how you look while doing it, it’s going to suck.
Millie: and it’s riddled with problems
Millie: by default
Millie: so like, it CAN’T possibly be cute
Millie: most people have to get DRUNK just to do it
Millie: so whatever
Millie: it’s awkward
Millie: CLOSING THE LOGICAL GAP
April: hahahahahahahahaha
April: exactly. it’s the obvious conclusion to come to.
April: overly cute/precious indie darling = shitty beej
April: FACE FACTS
Millie: yeah but i feel like guys LOVE that though
Millie: they love to defile and filthify the PRECIOUS FLOWER
April: ew GOD
April: that’s horrifying
April: yeah, but i mean, there are plenty of girls in between
April: that aren’t PRECIOUS DOLLS but also aren’t RAGING SLUTS or whatever
Millie: yeah totally. i think most girls we’d associate with are like, the balance between
Millie: like we’re not like total seasoned sea hags
Millie: but we still kind of want it a lot
April: totally!
April: that’s another thing though! zooey-type girls don’t even seem like they WANT IT
April: like since dicks aren’t CUTE, they don’t even want them
Millie: well it’s a kissing game, bottom line
Millie: like it’s childish, like little kids who kissed accidentally

Don’t let this picture fool you, I am really not a fan of Halloween.  (I am a fan of drinking and fake mustaches though.)  This is probably because my mom was Asian and therefore SUSPICIOUS OF AMERICA and its bizarre and shameful custom of buying your child grossly overpriced costumes and then letting them go door to door begging strangers for candy.  She just couldn’t endorse that.  Also, she was lazy and cheap, not overprotective.  When I was 4 she put $5 in my sock and sent me down the street to KFC to get lunch because she was too hungover to be a normal mother.  Some might say that’s bad parenting but you know what, I call it a valuable lesson in independence.

As much as we didn’t care about Halloween, I actually remember us passing out candy once.  But I remember so many more instances of us turning off our lights and pretending to not be home.  (I also remember waking up the next day to rinse the eggs off our front door.  Good times.)

So many costume parade days at school where I just wore my boring old regular clothes.  Honestly, I don’t really remember feeling left out or anything because I’d already been trained to not care that much.

I did manage to go trick or treating once, when I was like 10.  I borrowed my best friend’s brother’s football uniform and we went around the neighborhood and scored a ton of candy.  It was all right, I guess.  I had fun but it wasn’t like I couldn’t wait to do it again next year.  I think I realized early on that if I wanted candy that badly I could just buy my own.  Too much work, man.

Anyway, here’s how I became Julius Pringles this year:

Like Christmas shoppers waiting until 12/24 to hit up the mall, Lindsey and I went to our neighborhood Halloween shop on Saturday afternoon without any idea of what we wanted to be.  We scoured the picked-over racks and I was all resigned to buying a referee-in-a-bag costume (the only decent thing still left in the place) until we came upon their selection of fake (but 100% human) facial hair.  A mustache is essentially a costume waiting to happen, so I was just going to buy a couple “just in case”.  Then Lindsey noted that one mustache reminded her of the guy on the Pringles can, so she whipped out her iPhone to look for a picture and VOILA: Mr. Julius Pringles.  So simple yet so effective.  (Well, I did have to make a trip to the Burlington Coat factory to buy a red bow tie for $3 but that was it.)

Also, DRUNK PEOPLE LOVE PRINGLES.  All costumes should come with edible props.

Reading the LA Times has been a daily ritual for me since I was probably 12.  After looking at this chart, I wonder how much longer I’ll be able to look forward to having a newspaper delivered to my front door every morning.  Yeah, the Internet is great and all, but that’s not how I want to consume the news.  Which is to say, the Internet is wonderful for getting small blasts of information, but I don’t want to read 10,000 word essays on a computer screen.  The day I no longer have a paper to read at lunch, or at breakfast on the weekends, will be a terrible no good day and I get emotional just thinking about it.  In a world without newspapers, what are puppies going to shit on?

[chart via The Awl]

soupsoup:

indierawk:

Via The Onion.

Someone commented on Dodgerthoughts that following the game on Gameday is “like sitting down in front of a slot machine waiting for 777 to come up” and that couldn’t be more true.  Granted we were only down a run, but still, the odds of coming back to win with nobody on base and 2 outs in the bottom of the ninth are pretty long.  And the way it happened, with a catchable fly ball just bouncing off a guy’s stomach?  But just like in Vegas, everyone once in a while someone hits the jackpot; last night it was us.

Never have I been more excited to see the words “in play (runs)” than last night.  Not the most ideal way to watch a baseball game, but still pretty thrilling.  And to think I had tickets to the game, too.

[photo via LA Times]

That’s scalper-ese for “I have 2 extra tickets to Thursday’s Dodgers/Cardinals game and since it’s starting at 3pm and I can’t get out of work, please buy my tickets because I paid a lot of money for them and I’ll cry if they go unused, thanks.”

Also: FUCK YOU, YANKEES.  And you too, Bud Selig for coming up with this awesome idea of giving the team with the best record whose league won the All Star Game the option of picking when their series starts.  YOU HAVE TOTALLY FUCKED ME.  And you guys wonder why no one likes you.

I’m pretty sure I attended more Dodger games this year than in all my previous years combined.  Final regular season tally: 16, and the Dodgers went 11-5 in those games.

And now we open on Wednesday against the Cardinals and I’ve got a pair of tickets to games 1 and 2.  And if they get past the Cards, I’ve got tickets to game 7 of the LCS.  What a game that could potentially be, the Dodgers at home trying to clinch their first World Series birth since 1988.

Whatever happens, win or lose, this has been an incredible and memorable year — this is arguably the best Dodgers team of my lifetime and I’m just along for the ride trying to soak up as much as I can.  Now let’s go out and win one for Vin.